I grew up in a household (and community) where racism existed. I remember my parents and family members saying things about Black and Latino people that were negative. I distinctively remember my father learning the last name of my middle school boyfriend and telling me he was Mexican and that I shouldn't date him. I do think that my parents racism comes from a subtly different place than the racism of some others. For example, I think there is a subtle difference between the racism that stems from having subjugated a people as slaves like animals versus coming from a very homogenous place and having unfounded notions of what is good/better/bad/worse in people that are not like you. My parents/grandparents also had negative notions about Korean people based on their last names and what part of Korea they came from. As Koreans there were also negative thoughts and words for Japanese people. I am not trying to excuse their racism, I am just trying to provide some context for understanding.
I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. I remember the 1992 LA Riots. I was 7 years old. We lived in Koreatown and I remember seeing buildings burn up from our apartment and being afraid that our apartment would burn down too. I vaguely knew why the riots were going on -- but I didn't really understand it. We moved to Torrance shortly after that.
When I was a kid that racism existed in me too. I would never hurt anyone or be mean to anyone or really truly understand why -- but words of my elders colored my thoughts and feelings. As I grew older, however, I came to learn/realize that racism is wrong, there is no basis for racism or judging ANYONE by their color or continent of origin (and any other ridiculous thing people judge others by other than their soul and character -- and even then do you know what led them to develop the soul and character they have?), and as I learned more about how history/society/generational trauma/racism can make it difficult for certain groups of people to thrive and reach their full potentials I knew it is only right that we all speak up and fight against social injustice wherever it exists and continue to advocate and fight FOR equality for all.
I know and believe to my very core that all human beings are the same no matter the color of our skin or the continent of our more recent origins (because human beings came out of Africa.) But over time we have developed cultures that are have been distinct, melted together, re-emerged as different, melted together again... Depending on how we moved through the Earth... And this history and all the cultures we have around the world makes us beautiful. Also, the strife and hardships that different people endured have also contributed to our cultures. And so we should understand, embrace, and celebrate all the different cultures and peoples that exist in our world.
That all being said, I know that implicit bias still exists in me today that was planted when I was a child by my elders and my community. One example of how it manifested, I think, is that when I was online dating all my dates were Asian or White. Sometimes, racially biased thoughts and feelings (not necessarily hateful or harmful, I hope, but still biased) pop up inadvertently in my head. These thoughts and feelings bother me. I try to recognize, analyze and then squash these thoughts/feeling, and redouble thoughts/feelings/beliefs/actions that align with equality -- to be better.
If I think about it, I realize that I never had A LOT of interactions with the Black community. Of course I had a few Black friends growing up -- but not a lot (I can count the number on my hands.) Even now, I don't have a lot of Black colleagues and friends. I grew up in a predominantly White and Asian town (Torrance, only 2.39% Black now.) My work field is predominantly White. My favorite hobby (running) is predominantly White. The town I currently live in is predominantly White (Los Gatos, only 1.52% Black.) I notice and I feel glad when I see Black and other POCs in the nuclear power field, in the casual/hobby/distance running community, in our town. I wish that diversity was so complete that I didn't have to find myself noticing or particularly glad for seeing Black and POCs in my spheres -- because they are always and consistently here. I hope we can continue to move/work towards this.
In the light of all that is going on -- the killings of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and countless others before them and the resurgence of discussion about racism and anti-racism... I find myself angry and wondering what I can do to help. People are saying it's not enough to be not-racist ... That we must be anti-racist. I agree. I am anti-racist. Emphatically so. But is that enough to just say I am anti-racist?
I felt like perhaps it would be appropriate to write down my own experience with racism related to the Black community, admit to my own internal implicit biases that I promise to continue be vigilant of and remedy, and promise to support and promote anti-racism and pass it along to our children one day.
Can I do more? I'm sure I can. I will continue to look for ways.
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